Today I gave a talk in church and here it is!
Finding Joy in Family
When I was a young kid still living in Texas, me and all my siblings loved to play outside and like most kids that age I’m sure we were always asking for the newest toys. But as I look back on that time in my life the memories that are the clearest are the ones not involved with the latest toy or the coolest electronics. The memories I love and remember the most are the one spent with my family, sharing laughs and having fun.
I was asked to talk today about Finding Joy in Families. As I heard the topic I instantly had a list of family experiences that have brought me joy, family vacations, family activities, going to life events such as graduations, weddings, baptisms and more. But finding joy in family cant be simplified into a simple checklist in my head or even on a paper. It is much more complex.
H. Wallace Goddard, PHD wrote the book ‘Finding Joy in Family Life: Using the Gospel of Jesus Christ to Become a Better Person, Partner, and Parent’ said: “Family life may seem like an especially unlikely place to find joy. It is clearly the place where we are stretched. In family life, our patience runs thin and our irritation is ritualized. But maybe family life is God’s laboratory for making gospel truths real. Family experience puts flesh on the gospel skeleton. It is the place where we learn and practice ways of happy eternal relationships.”
I am in family of 5 kids, including myself, 2 parents and my grandma all under one roof in an originally 3 bedroom house, my brother getting a room to himself since he is the only boy, and for a long time 2 of my sisters shared a room with m grandma one sharing a bed with her and me and my sister shared a room in the unfinished basement. My dad started building a wall to separate the large room and create a bedroom for the two of us. So as you can tell the house was crowded and being so cramped together all the time can be a stressor and cause lots of fights. My older sister and I were brought closer as we share a room together. When I had nightmares I would sleep on her bed with her and we would even stay up some nights talking for hours. I didn’t have this connection with my other siblings and often fought with them. But as time went on and different things in life happened I have been able to become close to every member of my family in different ways. And even through the times that seemed like endless fighting we were always able to move past those feelings and do things together and have the time of our lives even if just for a moment we were able to experience lasting joy from our fun times together.
Even though family life can sometimes seem to be the cause of our stress it is by far the number one source of our lasting joy. Through the family we build ourselves and we grow into the people we are going to be through our lives. Russell M. Nelson, an apostle of our heavenly father, said “Individual progression is fostered in the family, which is ‘central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” Family is part of Gods eternal plan and it is through family that we will make it back to the celestial kingdom.
Another key way to find joy in family is to share our love with our family. It is kind of like service, when we are down and having a tough time but we serve others or loose ourselves in service we are brought to a place of joy and happiness because we can see the affect our service had on those we helped. So like service and sharing we must share our love. President Monson tells us, “Give your child a compliment and a hug; say, ‘I love you’ more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends move away, children grow up, loved ones pass on. It’s so easy to take others for granted, until that day when they’re gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of ‘what if’ and ‘if only.’ … Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey and share our love with friends and family. One day, each of us will run out of tomorrows. Let us not put off what is most important.”
As I was growing up there were times in my life that going to church wasn’t the “fun” thing to do anymore. I had to drag myself out of bed and I put minimum effort into getting ready. While at church I rarely paid any attention and talked and whispered with my friends through all the lessons. I felt as though church wasn’t the cool place to be and closed myself off to it. During this time, my family helped me wake up on time for church, talked to me about the things I was learning forcing me to pay attention so I could re-tell what I had learned, and asking me questions they had been pondering. As my family looked out for me in this time I kept that small connection with church. If they had not done those things for me and shown that love and concern for my welfare in the church I may have fallen away for good and wouldn’t be where I am today. So as my family expressed their love for me I was able to grow and become a better person.
So as we go through life in our families we need to remember to share our love with those around us because as we share our love we will see the positive outcome. When people know that we love them it helps to put them in a happy place. Ding this also provides us with the opportunity to feel joy in our family and create a lasting bond with the members in our family. It also gives them the opportunity to look back on their memories and remember the love we felt for them. President Monson also tells us “What is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, ‘They do not love that do not show their love.’ We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us.”
President Monson also shared this story of a father, “Near the end of his life, one father looked back on how he had spent his time on earth. An acclaimed, respected author of numerous scholarly works, he said, ‘I wish I had written one less book and taken my children fishing more often.’ Time passes quickly. Many parents say that it seems like yesterday that their children were born. Now those children are grown, perhaps with children of their own. ‘Where did the years go?’ they ask. We cannot call back time that is past, we cannot stop time that now is, and we cannot experience the future in our present state. Time is a gift, a treasure not to be put aside for the future but to be used wisely in the present.” It is important for all of us to take the time to show love for our family members and seek out the opportunities to feel Joy together and because of one another. But also along with feeling joy ourselves we need to take the time to help others feel love and joy within the family.
In closing I want to share a quote by Elder L. Tom Perry from his talk “The Importance of Family”
“In a world of turmoil and uncertainty, it is more important than ever to make our families the center of our lives and the top of our priorities. Families lie at the center of our Heavenly Father’s plan. This statement from “The
Family: A Proclamation to the World” declares the responsibilities of parents to their families:
“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. ‘Children are a heritage of the Lord’ (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.”
Families are key to the Lords plan and are a great source of joy. Yes they are stressful, hard, loud, and dirty but in the end what do we remember most when we look back at our memories? The memories of joy and happiness are clear and ready to be shared but the memories of hard times and fights won or lost are faded and hard if not impossible to remember. As I look back on my memories I remember the cardboard fort my dad made us, the roofless tree house, the smiles and tears of joy shared but I don’t remember the reasons behind our fights or the cause of them. I believe the Lord gave us families so that we could feel a little connection with heaven. It is through our families that we find ultimate joy, love, peace, and happiness. And it is through or families that we develop and grow into the successful spiritual beings that we are in the end.
