Read a book, THE book. (:

These past two weeks have been the worst ever.

But while the weeks have been awful, many great things have happened. 

I have gotten the greatest desire to read The Book of Mormon. Always. 

I woke up the other morning and thought, "Hmm i want to read the BOM." 

As this desire has grown i have began to read the BOM as if it were a regular book. 

I read it daily and sometimes for a few hours. 

As i read though, i journal and study with a manual. 

Its amazing what you can learn when you have the spirit on your side.

Also another great thing that has happened is i have gotten alot closer with my friends here at school and have gotten to spend loads of time with them. 

One thing that happened that makes me super nervous is, I quit my job. 

I had been praying for a while about it and finally one night after tossing all night i came to my decision.

I needed to have faith in the lord and make a decision and know he would stand by me. 

So, i prayed and told him i felt like i needed to take a step into the dark. 

Quitting seemed like the best thing for me right now. 

The job always brought me down and stressed me out.

I told him all about how i felt and that i would be diligent in searching for a new job.

After i prayed i sat in bed and thought for about an hour. It felt so right. 

So I did it, i stepped into the dark.

Super scary because i am afraid of the dark. 

But after i did it felt right, i was able to sleep and i am happy. 

Granted i am still really scared about being unemployed But i have faith.

If i do my part i will have nothing to worry about. 

He watches over me.

He will protect me. 

I will get through this with his help. 

Strength Beyond My Fears

I miss the way things use to be. 

I feel like they will never be the same. Thats probably because they wont be. 

I miss so many people in my life.

Sadly, they obviously dont miss me. 

I can only try so hard, do so much, be rejected so many times before i get the hint and realize you dont care. 

Thats the way life is. 

You make friends and loose friends.

One friend is always constant. He is always with me.

He will never forget me. 

No matter what i do, or how i act he will always be there by my side.

I have faith ill make it through these hard times.

I know this because he hasnt left me before why would he leave me now.

He will never guide me astray. 

He loves me more than i can imagine. 

I will be okay, because through him i am strong.

Cookie Dough (:

The Buried Life. :)

I unintentionally lift my feet at rail road tracks. I tried to pay attentions and stop myself butt my feet had a mind of their own and at the last minute flinched up. 

I was the only girl at the party tonight that has ever peed in a urinal. (Or at least the only one to admit it.) 

I want to be a successful surfer and snow boarder. Teacher/trainer wanted. 

I will be the next Youtube celebrity. With help from Tom George. 

I cant wait for the snow. :) 

My life feels like its at a dead end. But like most dead ends, there is a path you just have to make it as you go.  Push past the boundaries and start new. Maybe even turn around and try a new road.

Chapstick would change my life for the better right now. Just sayin. 

Goodnight <3

My Buried Life

A few things i want to do before I die:
-Find TRUE love.
-Raise a family.
-Visit every temple in the world.
-Have a library in my house. Like The Beauty and The Beast, latter and all.
-Make a difference.
-Grow.
-Be an inspiring teacher.
-Build wild imaginations.
- Read the whole BOM.
-Ride an elephant.

There are so many things, these are just a few.

Goodnight. <3

Late Nights.

It happens. 

Late at night, early in the morning, in my dreams, during the day, at work. 

Everywhere but nowhere in particular. 

I cant control it. 

I never see it coming.

It strikes with a fist of furry. 

Leaving me dry and empty. 

This can be soothing at times but, maddening and depressing at others.

 I want to let it out. I NEED to let it out. 

When will it end? I have no idea. 

But, It will end. Someday. 

Give me time. 

Book Store Therapy :)

It was a chilly night. The wind was wrestling the trees. Everything was moving. I was so excited. Things were normal going great then BAM! The sentence I convinced myself wasn’t coming came. I expected it but like the foolish girl I can be I erased the thought from my head. Mistake.  It hit me like a ton of bricks being dropped from a 57 story building. I hated every minute of it, but strange as it may be, I understood. It hurt and I hated it but I didn’t doubt that it wasn't right. The way it happened wasn’t my favorite and the situation was one I didn’t and don’t want to be in but after a little rain and confusion I found the light. I know its better this way. It had to be done. I am still sad and it still rains but this is life. We do not choose our trials or, however sad they seem at the time, our blessings. It hurts me now. Little things spark memories and reactions. I know though, when the time is right I will understand. I don’t now when, but with faith, walking blindly my path will be come clear when I am ready for whatever lies ahead.

I have a lot of work to do. Alost of growing and changing that needs to accure. I am here for a reason that has not yet made itself known to me. I want to leave. I want to run all day and all night until I reach my old lumpy mattress and my torn stained but amazing baby quilt. But alas I have a bad heart and would die before I made it a mile. So here I am. Trapped but at the same time free to choose. Once again I am here for reasons unknown. Life is leading me in such a strange path. All things seem unknown. But are secretly know but the most important person. He has a plan and I am just following the path.

What did I learn? What did you learn?

What changed?

What is to be done? Who of all these (voices and roads is) right; or are they all wrong together? If any of them be right, which is it, and how shall i know? –Joseph Smith.

I got a new book today. When Im sad I shouldn’t be allowed into book stores. Its not good for my wallet.

Goodnight.<3